Happy 21st birthday @Sawyer & Sullivan Sweeten [12/5/1995]

I hope this WILL get posted in time.
Former child stars, identical twin brothers, Sawyer and Sullivan Sweeten were born 21 years ago Today, 12th May 1995 in Brownwood, Texas, USA.
I used to watch the show just because of these two cute, sweet, beautiful boys.
What happened to Sawyer last year hit me so hard that i cannot find the words to explain it. My heart still refuses to believe he is actually gone.
As someone who had 3 people in my closer family end up in the same way i will not be the one playing a smart ass. It’s easy to point the finger at somebody else, but try to walk a mile in his shoes first and then take the right to judge him!
I didn’t know much about him untill it was too late, and only then did i realise how similar we actually are. So similar character wise that we could be brothers.
He was a more good, quiet guy like me, he loved animals like me, he wore glasses like me and he always wanted to help people like me. He was another, better looking and more successful me. And now i feel like i died with him.
If only i had a chance to talk to him, i have no doubt in my mind he would still be here today.
He was an extraordinary young man and he deserves to be remembered and honored and respected in a decent and loving way. I never remember his date of passing, it would be like celebrating his death. I will much rather say a prayer and light a candle on his birthday. That way i know that in some way, he is still here with me!
I am very worried about his brother as he took it hardest and keeps holding it all inside and that is not good in the long run.
And just because he shared his birthday with his brother he should be still able to celebrate his birthday today. And 21 is a big deal for a young guy.
I wish i could have had a chance to say a few words to his family as nobody knows how they feel more than me with so many young deaths in my family.
I love you guys and i will never forget you. Not a day doesn’t go by that i don’t think about you. I wish i could take this horrible pain away from you all. I wish things could have been different. I wish i had the chance to meet you in happier times. And i dream to have two sons as amazing as you someday but i know i will never get that lucky.
Happy birthday Sullivan, i wish i could give you the biggest hug in the world, and sweet dreams Sawyer wherever you are. I know you are looking after me from above…

11 thoughts on “Happy 21st birthday @Sawyer & Sullivan Sweeten [12/5/1995]

  1. The most tragic thing about suicide beyond losing the person, is never knowing for sure the reason! even if a note was left. I have lost a few friends and a loved one to this horror self inflicted epidemic!

    To all the young people who might be reading this, if your down or not feeling like life is worth living, always remember that NO problem is completely unsolvable! there is always a solution! ask for help, from a teacher and adult friend! or just call this toll free number for help!
    1 (800) 273-8255 within the USA
    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

  2. A beautiful post about a beautiful boy who brought joy ,laughter and happiness to so many but tragically not himself so I say this to all who will listen ,always love yourself first and most and always treat others with respect and unconditional love , God bless you all ,those that know me will know nothing is so horrible that it can’t be overcome ,thankyou BLUEYES xxx obi

  3. Thank you all for your loving comments.
    According to a source close to the family he had ADD as a child due to a hereditary thing. A week before, he was on facebook bragging about his new Harley bike, he loved animals especially cats and was planning to become a veterinarian. He also bought a house with his brother and they were planning to go live together. He loved people and always wanted to help. And all this is NOT a profile of a depressed guy trying to end it. However in that last week the family noticed a big change in his behavior but they thought it was typical teen stuff. But obviously something horrible changed in his besutiful mind. Now we’ll never know.
    Last Christmas i prepared a very emotional honest, touching letter saying how i feel.
    But unfortunately there was no way to make sure one of them gets it. And i understand them. I lost many loved ones both family members and strangers and somehow i accepted them being gone. But this my heart still refuses to accept. I always loved those boys like the little brothers i so much needed but never had. The only way i could get some peace in my heart would be if i could get a chance to let them know how much i love them and feel their horrible pain. Besides i hoped this post would be about both of them and their birthday which yes now is a little bitter but hopefully will get easier with time. The pain never goes away you just learn to live with it. I know it from personal experience.
    I love you Sullivan please stay safe enjoy life and find a way to be happy again.
    This is my plea if anyone close to the Sweeten family ever reads this, please, please try to let them know how much i love them all and how much they mean to me. What happened changed me forever. The way i think and act. I have become a better person because of this young man.
    Although a big part of my heart died with him. If i ever get a son i would like nothing more but to middle name him after Sawyer in his honor and to see him every day through my son’s eyes. In a way i would know he is still here with me everywhere i go.
    I know we have many teens here. In my country there are many 18-19-20 year old guys who took their life for stupid reasons.
    One of them for example because he helped a friend get a loan who then disappeared and left him to pay it off.
    Its very worrying how little teens value their life today. No matter how hard your unsolvable problem seems there always IS a way! And i am here for you whatever kind of advice you might need. Remember you are not alone and tomorrow is a brand new day!

    I love you all. Be smart and enjoy youth!

    • And one very important thing, if i could talk with Sullivan about what happened and how much he misses his big brother, the first thing i would tell him is this:

      My beautiful beloved Sullivan, at least you had 20 years of beautiful growing up memories with your brother and nobody can never take that away from you, while all I got is the pain of wondering what could have been eitth a brother i never had.

  4. I remember the first time I saw the two of them on that show.. I was very young and so were they and I fell in love with them. When I heard of what happened to Sawyer, I was crushed. A boy that I loved and lost, a true angel. RIP heart

    Yes if any young people (or any age.. depression & suicide doesn’t care how old you are) are reading this, take it from someone who has been down that road and fights every day. You.. will.. make.. it! Find someone to talk to, as there are hotlines/online help chats everywhere.. send me a message, I do not care. The main thing is to talk to someone, we need other people to help us through difficult times. You cannot be replaced, please do not give up heart

    • Very well said @klu. I am fighting that damn state of despair every day too.
      Life was never kind to me. I have terrible eyesight problems since 1 year old, it had gotten so bad i cannot find decent work or drive at night anymore. I also have big problems with lower back so i cannot lift anything anymore or even workout.
      Never travelled anywhere, never went to university like a longed so much to do, and all those chances in life that come with it.
      Never had a brother to share my problems with when growong up and now this longing for a son i cannot take it anymore. The only way to find some solace is to come here and admire beautiful boys i will never have in my life not even for a little while.And all i want is to have a little time with a boy that i like and he likes me too. Is that too much to ask from life? I wonder how much longer I’m gonna be able to go on like this. :sad:
      When i look at myself now i cannot help thinking maybe Sawyer had the right idea, if someone had to go that horrible day, i so wish it was me and NOT HIM! :cry:

      But life is so cruel and unfair and always people who should be here are taken away from us too soon.

      Thank you for your beautiful comment.

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