I just want to share my story, any thoughts?.

I want to publish my story not also to have the opinion of the members of this forum, but also with the hope that someone may understand himself better by reading my story.  As an adult in its late 30s, I believe I was a happy boy.  Not perfect but happy and beloved.  I spent my whole childhood among other boys. Brothers (I had four of them), friends, neighbors, classmates and such.  As a child, I never saw beauty in them, but now I realized that of course, some of my pals of that time were beautiful. But as a boy, I never felt anything for them different from friendship.  As a teen I even found beautiful some of the girls my age and dreamed of being the boyfriend of all of them.  However, when the time to go to college came, my whole life change in direction. I moved to a distant city to go to the University, it was the first time far from home and I was 19 years old.  My mother had some relatives there, who accepted me in their house as a new member. I never met them before despite we were family-related.  Mostly girls in that house and I was installed in the room of the only boy.  He was an eleven year old desperate to have an older brother, spending his whole life surrounded by sisters.  Having to share the room with a child, bothers me a little at the beginning, but this boy was really beautiful, smart and adorable in every way.  He conquered me in a minute.  Not knowing how and why, I just fell in love with him in just few months.  I quickly become used to spent my free time with him and since he liked wrestling and hugging, I had a lot of opportunities to touch him.  Not knowing why, I totally enjoyed that touch.  The smell of his hair, his voice and the warmness of his skin agains mine.  But I did not wanted or needed sex with him, it was something else I can´t explain even today.  He also liked to ride on my back while walking in the street or sleep in my bed and I remember as a pleasure to allow him to do that. He became my closest friend in every way.  I never touched or wanted to touch his private parts and in fact, We never saw each other naked, just in underwear while changing clothes in the same room.  As long as I can remember, I never planned or wished such thing to happen. Never. It just happen slowly without me realizing that I was in love with that boy. In fact during my years there, I didn’t realize that I was in love.  Time passed, University years came to the end, so I left that house and moved back.  Never saw that family again (including him) and I do not know, even today, if that love was a curse or a blessing in my life. Today, I do not know if I miss him, or if a miss only the overwelming joy he takes out from to me those days.  It never came back…

And since then, 20 years ago, a great admiration for beautiful boys had growing inside me.  Every time I see a beautiful boy, I just can´t avoid to admire his beauty at least for few seconds. I am sometimes shocked by seeing how perfect they can be.  Is not a sexual desire, I know what sexual desire is and I have had sex with women but I never, ever, felt with any of them the happiness and joy I felt while being with my former and beloved little partner.  Until today, I do not know why my heart choose to feel that way. I never fell in love again, at least no so deeply.  Now, living a boring life as adult, I realize that all I want is to be a beautiful boy myself, living always surrounded by other boys, loving them and being loved by them.  Having the possibility of hug them and play with them any time I want to.  I wish to be a young boy again and being able to admit that I am a boy who love boys without shame.  That would be the paradise for me.  Often I dream about being a boy my self like the one in the picture with my post.  Why I want to be a boy?  Because I want to be beautiful, young and innocent again, and have a partner just like me.  An adult may not have a place in such world because He is big, mature, full of prejudices, vicious, always want the control and may dominate the boy.  I know that this is impossible, and for most of the world, a sin.  So, I hid that dream in the very deepness of my mind.  Am I a homosexual?  A pedophile?  A potential child molester?  I do not know.  The only think I really know is that I do not want nor need sex with a boy or abuse him in anay way.  My joy would never be in a situation of abuse. The only good thing I have right now is come time to time to this community to see that beautiful boys actually exists at least in pictures, and to realize that I am not, perhaps, the only one feeling that way.  So, see you on paradise!!! And have a nice boring-adult day.  Please forgive my bad english.


72 thoughts on “I just want to share my story, any thoughts?.

  1. Hi, Anibal. I feel you. What has helped me was to discover Second Life, where you can be anyone or thing you want to be. I’ve been a handsome young boy there for many years. There are a lot of others like you (although also not like you). Be warned though, if you will like it it’s going to be so addictive that it might destroy the real life you have currently…

    • Thanks Timmy!!!! Your words are reassuring for me. And thanks for the advice. Have been there in my dreams and yes, it can harm real life if you not put a limit. Hope tu see yo there.

  2. I do recognise part of your story. Being around boys can make me truly happy. Sex is the furthest thing on my mind in that case. Can’t say what I like best about them, their joy, amazement, spontaneous nature, energy or something else. And one day I would like to have kids of my own.

  3. Thanks a lot for your story. I had something like that, but I realize it with one of my friends. He was 14 yo and I was 17 yo. Thanks for the feelings well told in not so bad english for me (I am not english) hug

  4. I love your story. And it’s good description of me and I imagine many of us. Just the friendship bond is actually what we are wanting/looking for in a boy. We are not necessarily interested in them in a sexual way

  5. I don’t know if anyone here will agree with me or if this will help but here goes. You are a boylover. The difference between a boylover and a pedophile is that pedophiles want to use and abuse the boy for their own pleasure. Sometimes the relationship is consentual because the boy wants what the pedo wants – but in the end, the pedo wants his needs met. A boylover wants only to please the boy. It is ALWAYS the boy’s rules, always his wishes and his feelings that take precedence although in some cases a boylover would refuse a boy’s wishes if it involved hurting or harming the boy in any way. I love just chatting and sharing with boys, listening to their thoughts and dreams and answering their questions. I can’t be young again but I can be honored by a boy who wants to share his life with me a little bit. Take time to get to know some boys online, become their friend and never suggest a meet – just be that friend you were to your boy so long ago. Those are my feelings about it. Perhaps others also have thoughts.

    • Thanks codyboy for your response. Yes, totally agree with you. I am a boylover if a boylover is what you defined as such. And yes, a pedophile to me is that what you define, an abuser. Have seen the movie for a lost soldier? That is an abuser, at least to me. Problem is that most people cannot see that difference…

  6. Your story brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me of a similar situation I was in about 30 yrs ago. I’ve never felt that way toward another person before and I haven’t since.
    I too wish I could remain a boy. If it were possible, I would join Peter Pan in Neverland and forever be 12. This seems to be a common theme among bls. Thanks for a great post. smile good hug

  7. Many thanks for you story Anibal !! I have 18 years old actually and there is some years, I loved a great boy and I was happy with him but now, since 2 years soon I can’t see him for a bad reason about his parents, and every days he miss me. (I’m not english)

    • I had feelings about a few boy’s that I went the extra mile with. It was wonderful and stimulating at the time for me and all the boys involved. I never got accused of any wrong doing by any of the boy’s, It was always the justice system. These day’s I’m married to my memories, but how I wish I could turn back the clock and stay there forever, or even just for one day. I never regretted one second even after the consequences.

  8. Thank you so much for your story, Anabel. As you have seen in the above comments, you are certainly not alone. Nor, I believe, are you either a pedophile or a potential child molester. I feel very much as you do. I am gay, but I have no desire to touch or have sex with boys. (Unfortunately, I feel there are viewers on this site who do have such desires.) I too wish I could be a boy again, only with some of the understanding I have now. On this site I especially enjoy the pictures where boys are laughing, having fun, and just being themselves. I’m not saying any of this very well, but I do totally understand what you are saying. I only wish there was a way that we could talk. By the way, your English is fine. You communicated your thoughts beautifully.

    • Thanks Alan!!! My nickname is Anibal, by the way, not Anabel. It has been very reassuring to me to read that I am not alone, that I am not a bad person as most people, may think only because I like young boys. As you say, some others may have sexual desires to them. And people who do not understand boy lovers, believe we all have that intentions. It is a pitty. The truth is that a young man, or a young boy, can really love a young boy without involving sex. In fact most sex relationships does not involve love at all… As you, I only stop my sight in the pictures with laughing boys. That is the way I want them (and me) to be. Take care.

      • Hi Anibal. Sorry I got your name wrong. I totally agree with you, except that one doesn’t have to be young to enjoy boys. So often they make me wish that I was young again.
        Please keep posting. You’ve gotten a lot of support and you have touched many of us.

  9. Hey Anibal
    I read your story and fond it insightful. I do believe you are just a normal person going through a tuff time in life. I can,t really make an accrete assumption on what was in your letter. But I do think you had a comfortable and happy time when you stayed with the family. and had a special bond with the boy. I would suggest think back to when you was there. remember how they treated you. I bet they did not judge you or question you. or any of the things that go with life at home. and compere that to what you had at home. I’m not saying you where mistreated at home. but they would have questioned you argued with you so on. as most families do. what you had with that boy was just a bond with 2 mails in a family of girls. i don’t know if there was a farther or not. but i bet if there was he was distant to the boy. so he connected with you at a higher level than say his sisters or friends or farther. you are very lucky to have this. I suggest get married have some kids and have the same bond with them. But still be a farther.
    I hope this did not make it harder for you. You can PM me if you wish to talk more.

    • Thanks, Ricky, for your message. Im glad to know that you see my story as a normal thing. Yes, you are right. That family gave me some of the best years of my life and treated me as one of their one. Yes, there was a father there and again yes, he was distant. He was the tipical macho man while his son was a very sweet boy. I know, of course, that the main reason the boy approaches to me that way was because the lack of a close and caring father, My father was also distant, but I beleive I did not resent that at my childhood because I had caring brothers and uncles. Of course both families (my own and my guest family), had problematic issues as everybody does. I also know that most families may have those strong bonds between their members, but the wierd thing here is the kind of feeling I developed for that boy. I did not saw it as abnormal at that time, but now I realized that this love was the strongest feeling I have had for someone in my life. One must feel that kind of love with his/her spouse, society says and that is what troubles me in certain way. But as you may know, the heart never ask for permission. MIne take a child and I take decades to realized that.

  10. I like boys too I liked them ever since I was about 8yrs old I had sex with a boy when I was 10 and 12 yrs old but I have a fascination with boys ages 10 to 17 do I want to have sex with them yes but I know I cant I don’t want to go to jail I also like you look at boys when I’m out I can’t help it I just am attracted to them sexually it is very hard for me to deal with till this day I also like women too

  11. PS i can only go with what you tell me if there is any thing misleading or left out it will change the outcome of the answer.
    I have to say this as people that lead a secret life tend to mislead the truth. even when looking for help.

  12. yes key work distant. I would say that the boy reached out to you as he needed the male contact and you responded in kind. I don’t think there was any sexual feelings from ether side. if there was you would have known then. love is a funny thing it don’t care if your male or female. and its got nothing to do with sex. you love your mother you love your father and your siblings. it dose not mean you want to sleep with them. I think you are reading a bit to much into this as a lot do. yes you fell in love with a boy and yes he fell in love with you to. it don’t mean you or the boy are gay. or anything it was a wonderful time in your life. but if you are its ok life if a mysteries thing and its confusing and frustrating in its complexity. every thing that happens to you every thin you do every thing you are told and every thing you think determines who you are. there is no one thing that you can pinpoint in your life that will make you straight gay or other. its a very complicated thing and I could go on for ever about it. your on the right track but you need to look at other things to. don’t just focus on the one thing. its part of what you are but only a part. I hope I’m not confusing you to much. this is only my opinion you are the only one that can come up with the truth and the wright answer you need.
    you are not alone

    • Thanks again, Ricky. I think you must be a psyquiatric in real life. Yes, I believe it was the way you say. Often I wonder what if I never met him… Should I fell that kind of love for a woman my age, marry her and live the regular family life? I have nothing against gay issues (in some way I am gay), just do not like adult males and I do not like either relations in which one of the parts are more bigger and stronger than the other, I like equality. Two adult men are equality and so is also okay. No, your words do not confuses me, they are helpful to me. Thanks

      • your welcome Anibal
        yes I did study phycology (in college) for a while not for a job but for me I think we all study it in our own way as you are now.
        We all have to make decisions In life go left go right, its not the decision that defines us its the path it makes us take that makes us who we are. Can we create our own path and change who we are. ????

        • Thanks again RIcky. To come here and read all comments have been helpful to me, especially yours. You manage very well doing assumptions. Can we create our own path and change who we are. ???? Good question. I believe we can change only if not confortable with who we are in the deep inside. So, we have first to find, or to understand, who we are. Can we choose who we want to be, in agreement with what we feel? That is one of the reasons I visit this site, help me to understand why I like boys and why some others also like them.

          • good answer
            And yes that’s the question WHY
            i think most of us come in here to try and understand our self. we need things like this we don’t have to many avenues to go. I have tried psychiatrists and spent time in mental hospitals and you know they have all this training and a diploma to say they know what they are doing and you know.”they just don’t get it”. I would say there are some out there that do I have not met one yet. but talking to our own is the best.
            and i am more than happy to help anyone as why i help you. you help me and that’s what we are hear for. I don’t have all the answers but you might have a question i have not asked my self before and visa versa. and every question will lead you us in a new direction. I’m jabbering again sorry i do that a lot.

            • Ricky, totally agree with you. I also seek a psychologist at certain time, they help but in the end every person have the answer deep inside and other with similar situation may help to take it out. So I come here to find out the views of those who have the same tendencies I have, If I read what they have to say I perhaps can understand some of my “why’s” Or questioning my self something that haven´t occur to me before and may lead me to a better understanding

  13. Im still in school (17yo) and when i was 13 or 14 Ive had good looking guys in my class some from France some from Lebanon and other countries. The diffrence between our stories is that I did have a few “experiences” from small to big. When i think back to those day i think “how could i do something like that, how could they, what was i thinking, what were they thinking” there was a bunch of ‘intimate’ moments but no lovy dovy. But whatevs.

    • Simple sex, without involvement, is natural amongst young boys of similar ages – nothing wrong with that at all. Just remember the fun and the ‘outcomes’. Do not feel any guilt at all. My longest involvement, from 15 to 17, was with a boy (14 to 16) who became a bishop! We both enjoyed long, heterosexual marriages in later years.

    • Thanks nightstorke, for your response. I do not see something wrong with your having such intimacy with those classmates, If both want to and both understand what they were doing is ok. What I see wrong is the abuse which can easy happen between a boy and an adult

  14. I’m 17 about to graduate high school in about 2 weeks. I’ve liked boys sexually for as long as I can remember, both boys around my age and boys much younger than me. I haven’t done anything sexual with a boy or even had my 1st kiss yet, which kinda depresses me sometimes because I’m turning 18 in August and I’m going to college in the fall so I won’t be able to do “stuff” with younger teen boys. Thankfully I still have some time and I hope to have my 1st sexual experience with a teen boy sometime this summer. If not then I’ll just have to play around with young adults at college, which I would still like, but I really would want to do stuff with teens first.

  15. Your story hits so close to me,when I was in my 40s I moved to where I live now. A boy of 12 found me and wanted to be my best friend, at the time I knew nothing about being a boylover. We became the best of friends doing everything together camping swimming just talking. It was the bestest time I ever had. Unfortunately his mom decided that it was wrong for him to be around me so much, there were never any sexual thoughts that came to mind between us. Always remember Anibal you are never alone smile

  16. Your story was so good.i am 22 and love boys iv got a boy/friend known him since he was about 10 he used to love sitting on my knee and just talking for hours and getting his hand rubed and being close too me now he has grown up a little and as started bigger school and doesn’t like to be close with me as much now I think because he thinks it makes him gay… And it breaks my heart that he thinks like that

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